TomRed's blog & stuff

As you may know, I am (unfortunately) a member of Facebook. It has brought me an addiction no drug will ever bring, destroyed friendships with primary school peers, and a stalking record that will probably come back to haunt me… One of the reasons why I’m probably going to die young is the fury that we have the right to freedom of speech (unless it insults Islam) when I see certain Pages that are breathing and growing. So, I’ll set up a constitution that hopefully will be upheld and employed with an iron fist…

1. Groups exist for a reason.
In the good old days of Facebook, when ‘men were men, women were men, and children were the FBI’, you had Groups for virtually anything and Pages for products and shit, hell, there was even a 200 group limit to prevent you from going crazy. I think I know why these people moved to Pages when they were inventing the name for the characteristic or action or any general point of agreement that we all share, which leads to my second point.

2. Statuses are for friends and for myself trying to be funny.
These Pages show a point of agreement, usually in the form of a sentence; sentences concerning a point of agreement are not looking forward to Christmas, they do not express empathy for Elton John, they are fucking sentences. But it isn’t even just that, ergo my next point.

3. This isn’t an election, stop caring about members.
As soon as I see that the Page was merely a cover up for the author’s desire to gain members, probably to start a Satanic cult, I just bask in cynicism. Cross that with the statuses and you have something more annoying than my voice with a hint of helium. This is made more obvious when the beginning words of the title is ‘join if’.

4. You’re ≠ your, go to primary school.
Jesus H. Blaspheming Christ, would it kill to wipe the dust off your comma key? Or complement your ‘sentence’ with a few fucking vowels? I mean, everyone makes a typo, which is why I have a Firefox spellchecker. I wish that paper clip Office Assistant would torture you the way it did to me when I had a Windows ME, and stretch itself out and stab you in the eyes.

Well, I’m glad to get that off my chest. Mind you, there are some good pages, but finding one is almost as challenging as finding me a ladyfriend by Valentine’s.